In loving memory...

Any person that knows me well enough knows that when, "I think I'm going to vomit" is uttered, circumstances have become too much. I've said it multiple times this morning.

Today, to deal, I'm silent. No talking, no thinking about what is coming out of my mouth. I don't have to make the choice of telling the truth or lying. Bury myself in a book, work, listening only to the sound of the keyboard, ambient sounds at work, something. Anything.

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The phone rang, 6:53A. "Ma, everything okay?" "Amana... Amma passed away last night." No. I shook my head, "Huh?" She said it again and this time, the words sink in. The wind knocked out of me, I fall to the floor, sobbing...6:54A... and then realized who I was talking to. MY amma, Mamama's youngest, her favorite, and then one that needed her (Mamama) the most. I stopped, gained my composure and let her grieve. Then, the rest of the phone calls. My brother, my Dad, my cousin, and then most difficult, my phone call to the family, back home. Between 6:53A and 7:25A, I talked. Grieved, reassured, cried a bit, and talked some more. And now, I don't know what else to do, but to be silent.

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I don't know how to end this post. To end it with a great tribute to my grandmother won't do her justice. Words cannot describe who this woman is and what she meant to all of us. I thank her for being there, for the unconditional love and support, and for being her. Today I will mourn her loss, but forever, I will rejoice in her life.

In the meantime, silence.

S.M.S.R

May 20th, 1920 - February 20th, 2007